A funny thing happened on the way to the Wendy’s

Scene: Office. Phones and internet are down. All calls to office being forwarded to an employee’s cell phone.

Cast:

Me: Diligent office employee
Miguel: Soils employee

[Scene]

BRRRRRRRRRIIINGGGGG!!!!

Me: Good afternoon, Gabriel Environmental Services.

Miguel: Hey.  Uuhh… so I guess I kinda made a little mistake.

Me: You forgot to turn in your timesheet again?

Miguel: No. Well, yes, but no. Something else.

Me: Uh, kay, what’s up?

Miguel: Well… I sort of, uh … locked the keys in the truck.

Me: What?

Miguel: I took my vest off, put it in the truck, locked the truck, and the realized the keys were in my vest.  Oops?

Me: [pause] Sigh. Ugh. This sucks.  Okay. Who is with you right now?

Miguel: Charlie and Adam.

Me: So, that would be everyone in the soils department?

Miguel: Um. Yeah.

Me: Well, where’s Peter?  He’s your supervisor.

Miguel: He’s out today.

Me: Out where?

Miguel: Working from home.

Me: Ugh. Fantastic. Alright, fine. What truck are you driving?

Miguel: Uum. I dunno. The new one.

Me: We don’t have a new truck.

Miguel: Yeah, we do. The new big one.

Me: No, we don’t. Truck 0? What number vehicle is it?

Miguel: No, not zero. I dunno, it’s just the new big one.

Me: Miguel, all of our vehicles are numbered. Truck 0, Truck 3, Geo 1, etc. Which one are you in?

Miguel: It’s the new one, it doesn’t have a number. It’s the big Ford.

Me: ALL OF OUR TRUCKS ARE FORDS!

Miguel: It’s the F-4250.

Me: [deep breathI…!? Okay. Okay. Fine. Do you know where the spare key is?

Miguel: Well, I’m not sure. But I think there is one.

Me: Well, okay, I can just bring Sienna’s set of super-spare keys.

Miguel: I’m not sure she has a spare. I know that I gave a spare to either Peter or Sienna, but I’m not sure who.

Me: MIGUEL.  Help me out here! I don’t know what truck you’re in, and you can’t tell me where the spare is. Give me something to go on!

Miguel: Uhhhh…

Me: Oooookkaaaaayyyy… well, Sienna’s not here, she’s off looking for internet so she can put in payroll so that we all, you know, get paid. And we’re using her cell phone to forward all the calls to, so… Okay, you know what? Fine. I’ll figure it out. I’ll find her somehow. Whatever. Where are you?

Miguel: On Ashland.

Me: [Long silence]  WHERE on Ashland, Miguel?

Miguel: Near the Wendy’s.

Me: WHICH WENDY’S?

Miguel: The one on Ashland.

[Have brain aneurysm. Recover. Continue talking.]

Me: Okay. You’re going to have to give me CROSS STREETS here.

Miguel: It’s near the ffewiojs station

Me: It’s near what?

Miguel: The station!

Me: CROSS STREETS!!

Miguel: Ashland and Haddon.  Well, Haddon is west of Ashland.

Me: Wait, so is that the cross street, or are you on a street that is west of Ashland?

Miguel: I’m west of Ashland on Haddon.

[Rap head against wall. Repeatedly.]

Me: [deep breath] MIGUEL. Right now I don’t know where you are, what car you’re locked out of and where any spare key might be. HELP ME OUT HERE.

Miguel: Ooh! It’s the side street right next to Division!

Me: OKAY!! I know where that is!! Great!  [pause]  Wait.  Miguel. Um. You realize that’s a 10-15 minute walk away from the office.

Miguel: Well, yeah… but… uh… then I’d walk there and get the key and have to walk back and then it’d be a half hour and… yeah….

Me:  We. Have. Other. Cars. This conversation has taken more than 15 minutes!!!!  Okay. No. Fine. Okay. I WILL FIGURE THIS OUT AND COME BRING YOU EVERY SPARE KEY WE HAVE.

Miguel: Okay, great, thanks!

Me: [throws shoes at wall].

<Fin>

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