Can you claim workers comp for stupidity?

Setting: Office workplace, sunny day.

Characters:
Sienna:
Human Resources/Office guru extraordinaire
Miguel: Idiot savant minus the savant

[Scene]

Miguel appears and limps over to Sienna’s desk.

Miguel: Uhh, Sienna?  I think there’s something wrong.

Sienna: You’re an incompetent moron?

Miguel: Well, no, something else.  I hurt my knee, I think I need to file a Workers’ Comp claim.

Sienna: You’re kidding me, right?

Miguel: Um… no?  See me limping?  It hurts really bad! Why would I be making this up?

Sienna: No, seriously, you’re trying to be funny, right?

Miguel: No! What? Why?

Sienna: Miguel! This would be your THIRD Workers’ Comp claim. IN A MONTH.

Miguel: Um, yeah?

Sienna: You’ve had TWO OTHERS in the past year before these three! I have NEVER filed this many Workers’ Comp claims for anyone; Not even for employees who have been here fifteen years!

Miguel: Aahhhh… Your point?

Seinna: In the last month, you’ve injured your shoulder taking equipment off one of the trucks incorrectly; sprained your wrist helping another employee get un-stuck from the boring rig; and just this morning you injured your knee jumping off the bed of a pickup truck.  In the past year, you can add injuring your hand with a goddamn hammer, and injuring your back jumping on the boring machine trying to make it work.

Miguel: Yeah. Sounds about right.

Sienna: [Slams head repeatedly on keyboard.] Miguel, how did this even happen?

Miguel: Well, I was getting down from the truck.

Sienna: [long pause] … Aaaaand?…

Miguel: That’s it. I jumped down. And my knee got hurt jumping down.

Sienna: You… hurt… your knee… jumping down?  … from a truck?…

Miguel: Yeah!

Sienna: When did this happen?

Miguel: About five minutes ago.

Sienna: Um. Okay, here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to go to the kitchen. You’re going to get a bag of ice. You’re going to go back to your desk, elevate your leg, and ice. your. knee.  You are going to not move for at least 4 hours. If you need more ice, someone in your department will get it for you.  Get it?

Miguel: Sure, I guess.

[Miguel leaves. Sienna immediately begins googling: ” ‘workers comp’ ‘stupidity’ “]

3 hours later

Miguel hobbles over.

Sienna: What are you doing? I thought you were supposed to be sitting down, elevating your knee, and icing it. Not moving. Remember? Not moving?

Miguel: I had to go outside. My knee still hurts. I think I should file a claim.

Sienna: I’m not saying you shouldn’t, but why do you want to file a claim?

Miguel: Well, I need a claim number to see an orthopedic doctor.

Sienna: Uuuuh… don’t you have a PPO?  You should be able to see whatever doctor you want and have it completely covered. Are you sure you want to file a claim?

Miguel: Well, yeah, but the orthopedic doctor who I keep going to when I injure myself really idiotically says they need a claim number?

Sienna: But…? You…? Insurance?…  Umm…?  Okay. SURE. Whatever. [Sighs. Picks up notepad.] I’m going to need to ask you some questions though for the claim.  So, how exactly did this happen? Which part of the truck were you jumping from?

Miguel: Well, I jumped down from the truck.

Sienna: [Pause] Yes, I understand. What part of the truck?  The roof, the hood, the bed?

Miguel: I just jumped down off the truck.

Sienna: HOW HIGH OFF THE GROUND?

Miguel: Uh, I don’t really know?

[Sienna throws notepad at Miguel.]

Miguel: I guess a couple of feet. From the back.  Just one of those things, you know?

Sienna: One of those things… that has happened three times in a month?

Miguel: I guess.

Sienna: I hate you.

Miguel: Are we done now? ‘Cuz I’m going to go sit at my desk and stare at the wall.

Sienna: Great. Choke on a peanut while you do that.

Miguel: Can I claim Workers’ Comp for that?

<fin>

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1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    watcat said,

    Hi this blog is great I will be recommending it to friends.


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