*Zing!* HIV Negated!

Dear Grad School applications:

Please stop sucking.

No, seriously.

I’ve put up with your asinine requirements long enough.  I know, I know. I bitched about having to take a test that determines my academic worth and potential in four hours.  I whined about having to get recommendations which every applicant is required to have, but which all basically say the same thing.  I begrudged your insane fees to have the privilege to even apply to your institutions of higher(er) education.

But it’s all becoming a bit too ridiculous of a hoop-jumping act. Now one of you (COUGH*GWU*COUGH)  has the nerve to require possibly the stupidest essay question I’ve ever read.  Because at this point, not only do you already have my personal statement (which is essentially an extended answer to the “Who are you, and why the hell do you want a degree which will likely put you $60,000+ in debt?”), you also have my CV, my undergrad transcript, my 3 glowingly asinine recommendations and blah blah blah, but now you want me to PAY YOU SIXTY EXTRA DOLLARS to answer this question?!:

How will the degree from SPHHS advance your goals to become a leader in improving the health and well being of our local, national, and/or global communities?

But…?  But…!  BUT!

Here’s the thing:  You are basically asking why your own program exists.  I feel like I should send you that information packet with all of your brochures and booklets on your various programs and opportunities. No, honestly, do you want it?  Because it’s currently somewhere in the vast wilderness of ‘Under My Bed,’ but I’m fairly confident I can battle the many Dust Demons and unearth it.

In protest of this inane and unoriginal essay question, I would like to submit this as my response:

A degree from SPHHS will allow me to be awesome.  I will be so awesome in fact that I will fly around the world with a cape and tiara, fixing health problems willy-nilly.  *Poof!* Malaria eradicated!  *Zing!* HIV negated! *POW!* Cancer? What cancer?

Well, probably that… but on a slightly more bureaucratic stage.

*ZING!* HIV negated!

*ZING!* HIV negated!

Please reassess the absurdity of your question.  If you find it acceptable in its current state, please thwhack yourself in the face with a tennis racket. Repeatedly.  The second essay prompt (“Within the program area to which you have applied, what public health issue concerns you the most and why?”), to which I still protest the requirement of PAYING ADDITIONAL MONEY TO HAVE THE ADDITIONAL PRIVILEGE TO ANSWER, at least has a purpose involved in it, and provides insight into the individual applicant.

Thank you for your consideration.

Grad School Applicant #PO409873


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: