Archive for August, 2009

Things about HOLY SHIT BOSTON STREETS

Oh, hey, I moved to Boston. Yeah.

I don’t know what the fuck the founders of Boston were drinking when they put together Boston’s streets, but I think they may have overdone it.

I’m pretty damn good with maps and directions and geography, so imagine my surprise when I arrived in Boston and immediately turned in 17 wrong directions.  Seriously.  I’ve never seen a city with LESS sense in its urban planning and development. It actually makes anit-sense.

It’s like someone threw spaghetti down on a map of foggy Boston Bay area back in the 1700s and was like, “I shall design this array of spaghetti-strewn geniusness as streets! The pasta gods have deemed it so!”

I don’t know who to blame for changing street names every 4 blocks. That seems like something that could have been fixed in the past 300 years or so. Lazy gits.*

Impressively ridiculous, Boston.

Tomorrow means time to get out my bike… so I can get hopelessly lost in Boston by a 3rd type of transportation in a week.

* Actually, when I expressed my displeasure re: Boston streets to a former Bostonian, his reply was something along the lines of: “Bostonians were too busy saving everyone’s candy asses from the redcoats to care about streets, motherfucker!”

Alright, fine. That’s a half valid excuse at least.

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Things about Sam Fuld 2

SEE???  Do you see how amazing Sam Fuld is yet?

No?  Well go check out his “Big Day” reel from yesterday.  His catch in left (well, the 2nd one) was #1 MLB play of the day and #1 webgem on ESPN for August 22nd.

Yup.

The only downside of this all is I’m afraid he’s going to hurt himself if he keeps running face-first into walls across all these MLB parks.  On the other hand… he’s the only one doing a damn thing in the Cubs outfield right now, so… keep on keepin’ on, Sam.

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Things about Sam Fuld

Really… as a follow up to last week, I’ve only got this to say:

sam fuld august 21 2009

sam fuld august 21 2009

Why the heck isn’t he playing every day?!

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Things about gender… and my anger

There’s a recent news story regarding the South African female runner who is being questioned about her sex due to the fact that she, well… looks like a boy.  And runs fast.

No, really.

It’s like being on the playground as a having someone call a little 4 year old girl a boy because she has short hair and likes to play with trucks.

NBC sports reports (emphasis mine):

Semenya dominated her rivals to win the 800 on Wednesday despite revelations that surfaced earlier in the day that she was undergoing a gender test. Her dramatic improvement in the 800 and 1,500, muscular build and deep voice sparked speculation about her gender.

“She was always rough and played with the boys. She liked soccer and she wore pants to school. She never wore a dress. It was only in Grade 11 that I realized she’s a girl,” Eric Modiba, head of the Nthema Secondary School, told the Beeld newspaper.

No.  No, really.

Seriously?!?

I get that there are a tiny number of incidents in sports where a male will pretend to be female in order to gain advantage.  I know it has happened.  But this is fucking ridiculous.

On top of the fact that this is an allegation based completely on rumors, therein lays a larger problem with this whole mess in that  you cannot. test. for. gender.

YOU CANNOT TEST FOR GENDER.

Gender is a societal construct. Yes, I’m aware that makes me sound like a complete flaming liberal (I have no idea why), but you cannot biologically test a person for gender.  No matter how many swabs you collect or doctors you see, you cannot test for gender.

Even Miriam Webster agrees with me, as it defines gender as:
b : the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex

You cannot test for that.  YOU CANNOT TEST FOR GENDER.

So if you’re going to be ridiculous about this and put this person through international scrutiny… at least get the fucking term right. You are not. testing. for. gender.  Have I repeated myself enough yet?!

You are testing for her biological sex.

Which leads me to the fact that the topic of intersex athletes requires a whole separate rant which I do not have the energy for.

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Things about the Cubs

I know that Baker is the hot bat everyone’s excited about lately, but I’ve only got two words:

Sam. Fuld.

I’ve been a fan of his for a while, but lately the kid is on fire.

He’s a smart player, is hot at the plate right now (although admitably is not a power hitter, he’s smart about watching pitches and placing hits), and his defense is better than anyone else in the Cubs outfield – evidenced once again by his game today.

Fuld Kisses the Ivy... again

Fuld Kisses the Ivy... again

The man is running into walls – again – to make the plays.  Cubs outfield hasn’t seen plays like this since… well, Sam Fuld.  The guy has heart.

Milton? Sori?  Be afraid. He’s better than you right now and deserves your salary.

(The fact that ESPN recently reported his love of math and sporcle.com may have increased my appreciation of him, but… c’mon. Dorky fantastic baseball player who plays his all every day? KEEP HIM.)

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Things that are about Rick Bayless

I might be about to make my national television debut.

In the past five or ten years, several of my coworkers have increasingly fallen in love with the cooking of Rick Bayless.  One particular coworker, who is Mexican herself and has oo’ed and ah’ed with her mom over Rick’s fantastic Mexican cooking since the days when he was on PBS, is bordering on an all-out love affair with the man.  Who she, naturally, has never met.

Rick is fairly well-known in the Chicago area, but lately with the burgeoning popularity of shows like Iron Chef and Top Chef Masters, Rick has apparently become quite a household name.

I say apparently because, well, I haven’t ever watched a cooking show.  Well, no, that’s not completely true – I used to watch The Frugal Gourmet on PBS back when it was on in between Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.  (It took me until I was about 13, by the way, to realize the phrase “Frugal Gourmet” wasn’t one gibberish word and had actual meaning.)  Despite my own inadequacies relating to cooking-show-spectating, the multitude of hubbub about Rick which has come about especially since Top Chef Masters leads me to believe he is bordering on all-out fame.

Fast forward to a semi-work outing for lunch at Frontera, when my coworkers and I were devouring our food (yes, it really is that good), when we notice a camera in the kitchen following the preparation of one dish.  Several yummy-noise filled minutes later (awkward adjective/noun there but deal with it), we looked back and saw… the camera pointed at us.

Apparently we were enjoying our food so much so that whatever film crew this was decided to tape us.

My friends decided the presence of cameras means that Rick will win Top Chef.  I decided it means I’m going to be famous for my yummy noises.

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Things that I throw at the Cubs

During today’s abysmal “game” the Cubs played (I refuse to admit that tripe was for anything but minor league practice), a friend (“Mo”) and I (“Me”) consoled each other by using the time-honored tradition of “Madness-inspired mockery medicine” via gchat.  It was the only unpainful part of the experience.

And because this is MY BLOG I get to repost it here Mwhahahahah!!!:

Mo: does my fantasy team win a prize for last place?

Me: sure they do. they get to meet aaron heilman.

Mo: uh, is the prize really called “an opportunity to kill aaron heilman”?
bc if so ill pick him up…

Me: IF THAT WAS THE PRIZE I WOULD JOIN YOUR LEAGUE AND PICK HIM UP SO I COULD WIN LAST PLACE

Mo: bob: “we’d like to envision what the cubs would be like if they played to their potential every game”
i hate len.
i tolerate bob

Me: i ignore them and pretend they’re ron or pat
Bob: “we keep playing like that, it’s not gonna work”
again, i say OH RLY?!?!?!?
Cuz we’re only, you know, EIGHT RUNS DOWN

Mo: True

Me: Len: “let’s see if jake can run a 10 run homer”
now THATS funny

Mo: “keep swingin until the umpire tells you its the last out”
thanks len
thanks

Me: “all the sudden this game gets pretty interesting”
what?
len
what
what?
REALLY??
an INJURY makes this interesting??
not the fact that we gave up ELEVEN RUNS
or that someone hit for the cycle

Mo: cause the Cubs only need another 7 runs now

Me: not interesting in that our newest pitcher got hurt?… or that someone had their MLB debut and blew chunks all over it and had to have A RAM translate larry rothschild’s advice to him b/c he doesn’t speak english well enough?

Mo: yeah, who was that guy?
i turned it on in the 2nd and was like who is that, never heard of him

Me: absolutely NO ONE.

Mo: i was like – jeff stevens got called up, but… that is not jeff stevens

Me: No. No it certainly was not.
Yeah!!! DROPPED BALL. Stoopid Rockies’ LF-er.

Mo: that looks like me playing OF

Me: that looks like like a milton bradley play
ha. jinx.
awwwww the closer’s getting taken out. im glad that your SEVEN RUN LEAD isn’t enough.

Mo: it all comes down to…

Me: YES LAST GREAT HOPE
KOYIE HILL

Mo: …koyie??? really??
hahahahaah

Me: JUST WHO I WANT AT THE PLATE

Mo: fukudome is still on the bench

dont hit him though
he makes contact

Me: no, no why would they do that?
FUCK.
SHIT.

Mo: STOOPID CUBS. Sigh.
k im going to bed

Me: im gonna go throw things at the tv now

Mo: like your burning flaming computer?
actually, can you get video of that – id like to see it…

Me: Ugh, it’s worse now.  It goes black if you unplug it at all, and it stalls when you type so i make lots of typing errors ‘cuz i can’t see the words
Whatever. go slep.

Mo: hahaha. im gonna slep the shit of my bed

See, Cubs?  See what your awfulness brings about?!  STOP THAT. Oh, you’re about the play the Phillies, you say?  Siiiiigh.

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