Things that I throw at the Cubs

During today’s abysmal “game” the Cubs played (I refuse to admit that tripe was for anything but minor league practice), a friend (“Mo”) and I (“Me”) consoled each other by using the time-honored tradition of “Madness-inspired mockery medicine” via gchat.  It was the only unpainful part of the experience.

And because this is MY BLOG I get to repost it here Mwhahahahah!!!:

Mo: does my fantasy team win a prize for last place?

Me: sure they do. they get to meet aaron heilman.

Mo: uh, is the prize really called “an opportunity to kill aaron heilman”?
bc if so ill pick him up…

Me: IF THAT WAS THE PRIZE I WOULD JOIN YOUR LEAGUE AND PICK HIM UP SO I COULD WIN LAST PLACE

Mo: bob: “we’d like to envision what the cubs would be like if they played to their potential every game”
i hate len.
i tolerate bob

Me: i ignore them and pretend they’re ron or pat
Bob: “we keep playing like that, it’s not gonna work”
again, i say OH RLY?!?!?!?
Cuz we’re only, you know, EIGHT RUNS DOWN

Mo: True

Me: Len: “let’s see if jake can run a 10 run homer”
now THATS funny

Mo: “keep swingin until the umpire tells you its the last out”
thanks len
thanks

Me: “all the sudden this game gets pretty interesting”
what?
len
what
what?
REALLY??
an INJURY makes this interesting??
not the fact that we gave up ELEVEN RUNS
or that someone hit for the cycle

Mo: cause the Cubs only need another 7 runs now

Me: not interesting in that our newest pitcher got hurt?… or that someone had their MLB debut and blew chunks all over it and had to have A RAM translate larry rothschild’s advice to him b/c he doesn’t speak english well enough?

Mo: yeah, who was that guy?
i turned it on in the 2nd and was like who is that, never heard of him

Me: absolutely NO ONE.

Mo: i was like – jeff stevens got called up, but… that is not jeff stevens

Me: No. No it certainly was not.
Yeah!!! DROPPED BALL. Stoopid Rockies’ LF-er.

Mo: that looks like me playing OF

Me: that looks like like a milton bradley play
ha. jinx.
awwwww the closer’s getting taken out. im glad that your SEVEN RUN LEAD isn’t enough.

Mo: it all comes down to…

Me: YES LAST GREAT HOPE
KOYIE HILL

Mo: …koyie??? really??
hahahahaah

Me: JUST WHO I WANT AT THE PLATE

Mo: fukudome is still on the bench

dont hit him though
he makes contact

Me: no, no why would they do that?
FUCK.
SHIT.

Mo: STOOPID CUBS. Sigh.
k im going to bed

Me: im gonna go throw things at the tv now

Mo: like your burning flaming computer?
actually, can you get video of that – id like to see it…

Me: Ugh, it’s worse now.  It goes black if you unplug it at all, and it stalls when you type so i make lots of typing errors ‘cuz i can’t see the words
Whatever. go slep.

Mo: hahaha. im gonna slep the shit of my bed

See, Cubs?  See what your awfulness brings about?!  STOP THAT. Oh, you’re about the play the Phillies, you say?  Siiiiigh.

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