Posts tagged baseball

Things about Milton Bradley

Dear Milton Bradley:

Remember when I was at that game you threw the ball into the crowd with 2 outs? Yeah. I was mad… but I forgave you.

Remember when I was at that game where you dropped two balls in right field in one game, and struck out every time you were at the plate? Yeah. I was mad… but I forgave you.

Remember the entire month of June? And May? Oh, and April, too? Yeah. Forgiven.

With some trepidation, I rallied around you one more time when you swore you “were back 100%” in late July, and I proceeded to give you more chances, because, hell, you’re on the team I love, ergo, you are automatically a beneficiary of some of my hopeless but perpetual optimism.

Really. I’m a Cubs fan. I stick by my team through thick and thin. I suffer through pain and disappointment on a yearly basis. A lot of disappointment.  And I forgive. I don’t boo players on my team or the opponent’s, ‘cuz I think that’s asshatty.

But seriously? All that being said?

Get off my fucking team.

You are the worst parts of baseball all rolled into one.

Get off my team.

Get off my team.

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Things about Sam Fuld 2

SEE???  Do you see how amazing Sam Fuld is yet?

No?  Well go check out his “Big Day” reel from yesterday.  His catch in left (well, the 2nd one) was #1 MLB play of the day and #1 webgem on ESPN for August 22nd.

Yup.

The only downside of this all is I’m afraid he’s going to hurt himself if he keeps running face-first into walls across all these MLB parks.  On the other hand… he’s the only one doing a damn thing in the Cubs outfield right now, so… keep on keepin’ on, Sam.

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Things about the Cubs

I know that Baker is the hot bat everyone’s excited about lately, but I’ve only got two words:

Sam. Fuld.

I’ve been a fan of his for a while, but lately the kid is on fire.

He’s a smart player, is hot at the plate right now (although admitably is not a power hitter, he’s smart about watching pitches and placing hits), and his defense is better than anyone else in the Cubs outfield – evidenced once again by his game today.

Fuld Kisses the Ivy... again

Fuld Kisses the Ivy... again

The man is running into walls – again – to make the plays.  Cubs outfield hasn’t seen plays like this since… well, Sam Fuld.  The guy has heart.

Milton? Sori?  Be afraid. He’s better than you right now and deserves your salary.

(The fact that ESPN recently reported his love of math and sporcle.com may have increased my appreciation of him, but… c’mon. Dorky fantastic baseball player who plays his all every day? KEEP HIM.)

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Things that I throw at the Cubs

During today’s abysmal “game” the Cubs played (I refuse to admit that tripe was for anything but minor league practice), a friend (“Mo”) and I (“Me”) consoled each other by using the time-honored tradition of “Madness-inspired mockery medicine” via gchat.  It was the only unpainful part of the experience.

And because this is MY BLOG I get to repost it here Mwhahahahah!!!:

Mo: does my fantasy team win a prize for last place?

Me: sure they do. they get to meet aaron heilman.

Mo: uh, is the prize really called “an opportunity to kill aaron heilman”?
bc if so ill pick him up…

Me: IF THAT WAS THE PRIZE I WOULD JOIN YOUR LEAGUE AND PICK HIM UP SO I COULD WIN LAST PLACE

Mo: bob: “we’d like to envision what the cubs would be like if they played to their potential every game”
i hate len.
i tolerate bob

Me: i ignore them and pretend they’re ron or pat
Bob: “we keep playing like that, it’s not gonna work”
again, i say OH RLY?!?!?!?
Cuz we’re only, you know, EIGHT RUNS DOWN

Mo: True

Me: Len: “let’s see if jake can run a 10 run homer”
now THATS funny

Mo: “keep swingin until the umpire tells you its the last out”
thanks len
thanks

Me: “all the sudden this game gets pretty interesting”
what?
len
what
what?
REALLY??
an INJURY makes this interesting??
not the fact that we gave up ELEVEN RUNS
or that someone hit for the cycle

Mo: cause the Cubs only need another 7 runs now

Me: not interesting in that our newest pitcher got hurt?… or that someone had their MLB debut and blew chunks all over it and had to have A RAM translate larry rothschild’s advice to him b/c he doesn’t speak english well enough?

Mo: yeah, who was that guy?
i turned it on in the 2nd and was like who is that, never heard of him

Me: absolutely NO ONE.

Mo: i was like – jeff stevens got called up, but… that is not jeff stevens

Me: No. No it certainly was not.
Yeah!!! DROPPED BALL. Stoopid Rockies’ LF-er.

Mo: that looks like me playing OF

Me: that looks like like a milton bradley play
ha. jinx.
awwwww the closer’s getting taken out. im glad that your SEVEN RUN LEAD isn’t enough.

Mo: it all comes down to…

Me: YES LAST GREAT HOPE
KOYIE HILL

Mo: …koyie??? really??
hahahahaah

Me: JUST WHO I WANT AT THE PLATE

Mo: fukudome is still on the bench

dont hit him though
he makes contact

Me: no, no why would they do that?
FUCK.
SHIT.

Mo: STOOPID CUBS. Sigh.
k im going to bed

Me: im gonna go throw things at the tv now

Mo: like your burning flaming computer?
actually, can you get video of that – id like to see it…

Me: Ugh, it’s worse now.  It goes black if you unplug it at all, and it stalls when you type so i make lots of typing errors ‘cuz i can’t see the words
Whatever. go slep.

Mo: hahaha. im gonna slep the shit of my bed

See, Cubs?  See what your awfulness brings about?!  STOP THAT. Oh, you’re about the play the Phillies, you say?  Siiiiigh.

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Dear Randy Wells

Randy Wells:

On behalf of all Cubs players and fans, I’m sorry.

I don’t really have anything left to say.

Oh, other than to say when you see Kevin Gregg in the locker room, if you have an urge to kick him in the dark void of his loins, don’t fight it.  If Aaron Heilman’s standing next to him, make it a twofer.

Keep on.

Love, Me


PS – You could also send a telegram to Kerry Wood with lots of X’s and O’s.  Well… I mean, it might not help, but it’ll probably make both of you feel better.

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