Posts tagged Doctor

Things about health care

I can’t really say it better than this. Plus, I can’t draw better than this either, so why try:

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Things that are good news

MRI/MRA results came back – three nail-biting days late – normal. Phew. No brain aneurysm for me! Woohoo!

Now I just have to convince myself that my intense attacks of pain are migraine.

(Pssst, they’re not)

Oh, Cute Dr. Neurologist man.  I disagree with you. But you’re still my favorite doctor, and the only one who I’ve felt has actually listened to me, so… thanks.  Ex Oh Ex Oh.

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Things I should not do #2

Doctor’s office hasn’t received my MRI results yet. Told me to call back tomorrow.

Naturally, what did I do, but spent the entire rest of the day trying to distract myself from my disappointment. Much to my surprise, I actually succeeded a moderate amount.

Until tonight. When I started getting another round of clustery stabbing awfulness cramping in my head…

And I was already on the world wide internets…

And I gave in.

I googled my symptoms.

Ugh, when did I turn into such a hypochondriac?

Head please stop hurting. I will do anything. Just… just… stop being so scary and undiagnosable. Okay?

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Things I am willing to beg for

After a year and a half, I’m willing to beg.  Please make my head stop hurting.  It’s gotten so much worse in the last few months. Please make it stop. I’m so sick of this.

MRI results in 24 hours. I don’t know if I’m hoping for it to show nothing (meaning “asymptomatic migraines” since I fit the right gender and age bill (stupid getting older)), or something worse so I know I’m not totally insane being freaked out by the intense ickyness that’s been attacking my head increasingly over the last year and a half.

Plus, in the past week I have learned though that migraine meds make me nauseous, and don’t really help with the squeezing pain.

So there’s that.

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Things you don’t expect to hear from your neurologist

I finally broke down and went to see a neurologist about my stoopid headaches so that I might qualm the inner hypochondriac tangoing in my brain.

And after a thorough interview session by both the young student doctor as well as Dr. Neurologist himself, what piece of news did my lovely neurologist have which brought a smile to my face?

Wow, you have extraordinarily large pupils!

Um… Thanks?

Uh… I grew them myself?

?

?

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Ovarian Cancer Vaccine

Shameless plug:

This is my coworker who is the first person in the nation to get this vaccine.  I think this is so bad ass.  So far she’s received all the shots and now has had one CAT scan and so far so good – has another CAT scan scheduled for May.

So, basically… watch this… and be amazed. And then support science.

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Can you claim workers comp for stupidity?

Setting: Office workplace, sunny day.

Characters:
Sienna:
Human Resources/Office guru extraordinaire
Miguel: Idiot savant minus the savant

[Scene]

Miguel appears and limps over to Sienna’s desk.

Miguel: Uhh, Sienna?  I think there’s something wrong.

Sienna: You’re an incompetent moron?

Miguel: Well, no, something else.  I hurt my knee, I think I need to file a Workers’ Comp claim.

Sienna: You’re kidding me, right?

Miguel: Um… no?  See me limping?  It hurts really bad! Why would I be making this up?

Sienna: No, seriously, you’re trying to be funny, right?

Miguel: No! What? Why?

Sienna: Miguel! This would be your THIRD Workers’ Comp claim. IN A MONTH.

Miguel: Um, yeah?

Sienna: You’ve had TWO OTHERS in the past year before these three! I have NEVER filed this many Workers’ Comp claims for anyone; Not even for employees who have been here fifteen years!

Miguel: Aahhhh… Your point?

Seinna: In the last month, you’ve injured your shoulder taking equipment off one of the trucks incorrectly; sprained your wrist helping another employee get un-stuck from the boring rig; and just this morning you injured your knee jumping off the bed of a pickup truck.  In the past year, you can add injuring your hand with a goddamn hammer, and injuring your back jumping on the boring machine trying to make it work.

Miguel: Yeah. Sounds about right.

Sienna: [Slams head repeatedly on keyboard.] Miguel, how did this even happen?

Miguel: Well, I was getting down from the truck.

Sienna: [long pause] … Aaaaand?…

Miguel: That’s it. I jumped down. And my knee got hurt jumping down.

Sienna: You… hurt… your knee… jumping down?  … from a truck?…

Miguel: Yeah!

Sienna: When did this happen?

Miguel: About five minutes ago.

Sienna: Um. Okay, here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to go to the kitchen. You’re going to get a bag of ice. You’re going to go back to your desk, elevate your leg, and ice. your. knee.  You are going to not move for at least 4 hours. If you need more ice, someone in your department will get it for you.  Get it?

Miguel: Sure, I guess.

[Miguel leaves. Sienna immediately begins googling: ” ‘workers comp’ ‘stupidity’ “]

3 hours later

Miguel hobbles over.

Sienna: What are you doing? I thought you were supposed to be sitting down, elevating your knee, and icing it. Not moving. Remember? Not moving?

Miguel: I had to go outside. My knee still hurts. I think I should file a claim.

Sienna: I’m not saying you shouldn’t, but why do you want to file a claim?

Miguel: Well, I need a claim number to see an orthopedic doctor.

Sienna: Uuuuh… don’t you have a PPO?  You should be able to see whatever doctor you want and have it completely covered. Are you sure you want to file a claim?

Miguel: Well, yeah, but the orthopedic doctor who I keep going to when I injure myself really idiotically says they need a claim number?

Sienna: But…? You…? Insurance?…  Umm…?  Okay. SURE. Whatever. [Sighs. Picks up notepad.] I’m going to need to ask you some questions though for the claim.  So, how exactly did this happen? Which part of the truck were you jumping from?

Miguel: Well, I jumped down from the truck.

Sienna: [Pause] Yes, I understand. What part of the truck?  The roof, the hood, the bed?

Miguel: I just jumped down off the truck.

Sienna: HOW HIGH OFF THE GROUND?

Miguel: Uh, I don’t really know?

[Sienna throws notepad at Miguel.]

Miguel: I guess a couple of feet. From the back.  Just one of those things, you know?

Sienna: One of those things… that has happened three times in a month?

Miguel: I guess.

Sienna: I hate you.

Miguel: Are we done now? ‘Cuz I’m going to go sit at my desk and stare at the wall.

Sienna: Great. Choke on a peanut while you do that.

Miguel: Can I claim Workers’ Comp for that?

<fin>

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