Posts tagged television

Things that are about Rick Bayless

I might be about to make my national television debut.

In the past five or ten years, several of my coworkers have increasingly fallen in love with the cooking of Rick Bayless.  One particular coworker, who is Mexican herself and has oo’ed and ah’ed with her mom over Rick’s fantastic Mexican cooking since the days when he was on PBS, is bordering on an all-out love affair with the man.  Who she, naturally, has never met.

Rick is fairly well-known in the Chicago area, but lately with the burgeoning popularity of shows like Iron Chef and Top Chef Masters, Rick has apparently become quite a household name.

I say apparently because, well, I haven’t ever watched a cooking show.  Well, no, that’s not completely true – I used to watch The Frugal Gourmet on PBS back when it was on in between Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.  (It took me until I was about 13, by the way, to realize the phrase “Frugal Gourmet” wasn’t one gibberish word and had actual meaning.)  Despite my own inadequacies relating to cooking-show-spectating, the multitude of hubbub about Rick which has come about especially since Top Chef Masters leads me to believe he is bordering on all-out fame.

Fast forward to a semi-work outing for lunch at Frontera, when my coworkers and I were devouring our food (yes, it really is that good), when we notice a camera in the kitchen following the preparation of one dish.  Several yummy-noise filled minutes later (awkward adjective/noun there but deal with it), we looked back and saw… the camera pointed at us.

Apparently we were enjoying our food so much so that whatever film crew this was decided to tape us.

My friends decided the presence of cameras means that Rick will win Top Chef.  I decided it means I’m going to be famous for my yummy noises.

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Things that I throw at the Cubs

During today’s abysmal “game” the Cubs played (I refuse to admit that tripe was for anything but minor league practice), a friend (“Mo”) and I (“Me”) consoled each other by using the time-honored tradition of “Madness-inspired mockery medicine” via gchat.  It was the only unpainful part of the experience.

And because this is MY BLOG I get to repost it here Mwhahahahah!!!:

Mo: does my fantasy team win a prize for last place?

Me: sure they do. they get to meet aaron heilman.

Mo: uh, is the prize really called “an opportunity to kill aaron heilman”?
bc if so ill pick him up…

Me: IF THAT WAS THE PRIZE I WOULD JOIN YOUR LEAGUE AND PICK HIM UP SO I COULD WIN LAST PLACE

Mo: bob: “we’d like to envision what the cubs would be like if they played to their potential every game”
i hate len.
i tolerate bob

Me: i ignore them and pretend they’re ron or pat
Bob: “we keep playing like that, it’s not gonna work”
again, i say OH RLY?!?!?!?
Cuz we’re only, you know, EIGHT RUNS DOWN

Mo: True

Me: Len: “let’s see if jake can run a 10 run homer”
now THATS funny

Mo: “keep swingin until the umpire tells you its the last out”
thanks len
thanks

Me: “all the sudden this game gets pretty interesting”
what?
len
what
what?
REALLY??
an INJURY makes this interesting??
not the fact that we gave up ELEVEN RUNS
or that someone hit for the cycle

Mo: cause the Cubs only need another 7 runs now

Me: not interesting in that our newest pitcher got hurt?… or that someone had their MLB debut and blew chunks all over it and had to have A RAM translate larry rothschild’s advice to him b/c he doesn’t speak english well enough?

Mo: yeah, who was that guy?
i turned it on in the 2nd and was like who is that, never heard of him

Me: absolutely NO ONE.

Mo: i was like – jeff stevens got called up, but… that is not jeff stevens

Me: No. No it certainly was not.
Yeah!!! DROPPED BALL. Stoopid Rockies’ LF-er.

Mo: that looks like me playing OF

Me: that looks like like a milton bradley play
ha. jinx.
awwwww the closer’s getting taken out. im glad that your SEVEN RUN LEAD isn’t enough.

Mo: it all comes down to…

Me: YES LAST GREAT HOPE
KOYIE HILL

Mo: …koyie??? really??
hahahahaah

Me: JUST WHO I WANT AT THE PLATE

Mo: fukudome is still on the bench

dont hit him though
he makes contact

Me: no, no why would they do that?
FUCK.
SHIT.

Mo: STOOPID CUBS. Sigh.
k im going to bed

Me: im gonna go throw things at the tv now

Mo: like your burning flaming computer?
actually, can you get video of that – id like to see it…

Me: Ugh, it’s worse now.  It goes black if you unplug it at all, and it stalls when you type so i make lots of typing errors ‘cuz i can’t see the words
Whatever. go slep.

Mo: hahaha. im gonna slep the shit of my bed

See, Cubs?  See what your awfulness brings about?!  STOP THAT. Oh, you’re about the play the Phillies, you say?  Siiiiigh.

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Things that freak my shit out

Here’s the thing. I like to think – and I probably give myself too much credit – I’m fairly open about lifestyles.  Although admittedly, after a recent conversation, I have found that I do draw the line at beastiality, mostly because it’s just cruel to animals.

But there’s something that just pushes my buttons: THE DUGGAR FAMILY.

I’ve obsessively kept track of this family with gapers block-esque disbelief through TLC Specials/shows as their numbers have swelled from mid-teens to now the inconceivable number of 20 members. Every time I watch an episode of their show my “creeped-outness” meter explodes, and I usually yell out loud at the television at least once.  Plus, I inevitably have repeated flashbacks to that Harvey Danger lyric: “I’ve been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding.”

And then I feel guilty for not being open minded enough.

So if you’ve paid attention to the Duggar family at all (and I really hope you haven’t, but I commiserate with the I CAN’T TURN AWAY FROM THE TV feeling), you know they are an uber-religious family who has decided God is responsible for providing them with as many children as He wants them to have. Ergo, their 18 current.  To be honest, any sort of blind religious fanaticism like this somewhat irks my annoyance radar, but I understand I’m a product of a Dogma-Generation (read: In err, we’ve taken a set of good ideas and made a belief system), and most of the time I can accept such monomaniacal religious beliefs with a grain of salt.

Sidenote: my well-meaning but Born-Again Christian aunt just gave me a copy of The Shack for my birthday. Oh joy.

Anyways, my recent freak-my-shit-out moment with the Duggars occurred when the eldest son, Josh Duggar, married the girl he was ‘courting,’ Anna.  As a feminist and member of the 21st century, I resent the paternalistic and condescending implications of any “courting,” especially in the brain-washed way the episode portrays it.  According to the Duggars and the Kellers (Anna’s family don’t judge that I know her last name pleasethanks), after one is engaged, they may officially begin to go out in public together, but must have chaperons any time they are together so they don’t GIVE INTO THEIR OVERWHELMING DESIRES AND GODFORBID KISS BEFORE THEIR WEDDING GAAAAAAASP.

Now, I know several friends and couples who have chosen not to have sex before marriage. I admire and appreciate their reasoning, religiously and otherwised based, for that decision.  And I can almost handle the whole Duggar-Keller not-kissing thing… if it wasn’t so fucking Children-of-the-Damned-like on the show. The internet tells me there’s (surprisingly, to me) a decently-sized movement to this No-Kissing thing (admittedly I know 2 people who have decided to save their first kiss for their wedding day).  But the true zombieosity of this concept meant it took me a long time to process through and accept.

Yet, after several months and more internet time & research wasted than should have been, I’ve come to peace with it.

But there is one thing I just cannot handle or understand.

Dear Josh and Anna Duggar:
Although I disagree with you, I respect your choices regarding life, marriage and child-rearing. But there’s one thing I need you to answer.  WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALWAYS DRESS ALIKE????? TERRIFIED MINDS WANT TO KNOW!!!
Kthxbye,
Terrified Minds

No, seriously, someone explain this shit to me, because, in a rare moment, the internet fucking fails to provide me even a fake answer:

Brown Stripies!

Brown Stripies!

Blue!

Blue!

White and Kakhis!

White and Kakhis!

I promise you, although I can find no further pictures to post, this penchant for twin-dressing is the norm when they are on screen.  Seriously… why? I want to know. I could understand it if you were siblings being dressed by your parents.  BUT YOU’RE NOT.  You [claim you] are adults, so why must you wear the exact. same. striped. shirts?

Help. Someone. Please.  Shed light. Please.

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